Monthly Archives: August 2011

It’s Never Too Late to Say “I Love You”

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

For many of us, our grandparents and later our parents grew up in difficult times surrounded by the tribulations of depression, world war, domestic violence, racial abuse and cultural change. We have been raised in a time of unprecedented technology and have been afforded certain luxuries unknown to our parents and grandparents as they grew from childhood to adult. During these times of the early through mid twentieth century, it was a culture domestically built on family values and respect. It was this foundation that developed a strong outer core and to us a stoic and often emotionless view of relationships between parents and children.

Not to say their love wasn’t strong and pure, but the way they translated that to us is different than our expectations. As we may put our hearts on our sleeve, our parents and grandparents saw the unspoken bond as the means of communicating love for one another.

In a way, technology has desensitized us and sent us backward to the same held back emotionless state we have grown to know from our elders. In an age of text messaging, instant messaging and tweeting, the ability to show unconditional love and feelings is slipping away. This by no means is an apocalyptic view on modern society, but a warning to all of us, including myself that we need to see where we are and more importantly where we are going. Is this the society we want to raise our children in? Do we want them to have a computer at age two, an IPad at three, I gaming console at five, and a complete lack of human need by ten?

As much as I prod my father to tell me he loves me, just to hear the words, it is something I know is difficult for him. I know he means it every day with his actions and his unconditional support and caring he shows for all his children. For him, it is a silent cry to us and very expressive at that. I know he won’t change and I don’t expect him to, but through mutual respect we know. My parents were raised to believe they will do everything in their power to provide their children with a good life.

They did. A wonderful education, safe neighborhood, good friends, strong family structure and most importantly independence. They provided me with the greatest gift: trust. They bestowed to me all their teachings and let me see and experience the world for myself. To me that is the greatest sense of love.

Look at your own life. Look at your family, your children, your friends, your relationships and ask yourself this question: “Is this the life that is truly making me happy?” If there is any doubt in that response or a no, a change needs to be made. I am not about to tell every reader they need to connect more, but to look inside yourself and determine if you are connecting enough.

We all want to hear words of encouragement, receive a hug and a smile, have a person to turn to in times of need and feel connected to others. It is that energy that is exchanged between two human beings that makes the gift of life so remarkable. You may have 1000 followers or 5000 friends in the virtual superhighway, but I will take a long hug and a sunset with someone I care about over that any day.

Maybe the first thing you should do in the morning is smile at someone, hug someone and tell someone special in your life that you love them.

It’s not too late!


Lessons Learned from Lucy – Happy 100th Lucille Ball

As we reflect on the life and impact of Lucille Ball on this the 100th Anniversary of her birth, we would like to provide a few lessons learned and impacts Lucy made on society and the entertainment industry.

1. You can be the most powerful entertainer in the world and be a female (You are very welcome Oprah)

2. You can be funny, witty, zany and still maintain sex appeal.

3. Lucy taught us that we can push the buttons of accepted television viewing with her relationship with
Desi and the birth of her child (The first pregnancy on network television).

4. In black and white or color, Lucy was still amazing to watch

5. As a shrewd marketer and businesswoman, Lucy found a way to find success in anything. In the summer of
1950 after being unable to convince CBS that her and Desi could be a believable TV couple, the two of
them went on tour performing before live audiences, and early in 1951 they produced a film pilot with
$5,000 of their own money. I LOVE LUCY was given a fall time slot and the rest is history.

6. When she was on top she stayed there. In the six year run of I Love Lucy, the show never ranked below
third in the ranking system and the decision to film the show vs. live audience so that it could be
used in syndication and translated in languages around the world set the standard for today’s
programming. Also, in its sixth and final season it ended number one in the rankings. Only the
Andy Griffith Show and Seinfeld were able to achieve that
feat.

7. She looks great on your mail. In 1998, as part of the U.S. Postal Service Century series, Lucy became
a permanent fixture on envelopes around the globe.

8. A true entrepreneur..Lucy and Desi were the first couple to own their own studio. She is a role model
for start ups. Who would have thought. Also, two years after their 1960 divorce, Lucy bought out
Desi’s share of Desilu Productions to be the head of the studio.

9. In January 1953, Lucille Ball and her son were the very first to appear on the cover of TV Guide
Magazine and later would appear a total of 39 Times (You are welcome Kim Kardashian and Jennifer
Aniston)

10. In October, I Love Lucy will, in first run and syndication, have been on the air almost continuously
for 60 years. How is that for longevity and stamina.

Though we lost Lucy in 1989, she never left our hearts and for generations to come will remain a pioneer and an icon to fans, actresses, comedians and business professionals for her talent, intelligence, wit, charm and beauty.

Lucy is a true one of a kind.

Thank you Jamestown, New York, Henry Durrell Ball and Desiree “DeeDee” Evelyn Hunt for giving the world Lucy

We truly love you Lucy.


Cut the Crap and Just Kiss Him!!!

“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”

- Unknown

What if he doesn’t life me?
I’m not making the first move?
He won’t actually like me if I am too aggressive, so I will be very subtle?
I just can’t tell what he is thinking and I don’t want to ruin what we have.
We had such a great night and I thought we were finally going to kiss
I like him a lot and I want to take our friendship to the next level but just don’t know how

How many of you are wandering through life living out the character in a sitcom? It can be one of the zany slapstick sitcoms of the 70’s or the more wholesome 80’s or 50’s or even the risqué 90’s/00’s but the bottom line is that too many of us are waiting for the show to be cancelled before the boy and girl come together.

It is a nice ride, but when the cancellation occurs in life it is just a little too late.

I do understand that centuries of tradition and values have embedded this belief system that a girl should never ask out a boy or even dare we say kiss him first. As ladies, you are to sit back and let the man court you. Don’t tell that to Agent Walker on Chuck or Sarah Connor who bore the savior to the world. Last time I checked these beautiful heroines saved the world, looked fantastic and got the man.

Throughout the last several weeks, I listened to stories of unrequited love. Hoping, wishing and praying that the boy notices how much the girl likes them and begins what they hope is a romance to last the ages. Just a quick update, they haven’t gotten there yet. Many of us all to often wait for traumatic events to make life altering changes (i.e. World War II, September 11, Tsunami…) but even that is momentary. We may see a baby boom but long term inner strength is short fleeted.

We all want love, yet too often we settle for security, a home, several children and an empty set of eyes to stare at each night. Girls grow up dreaming about the perfect Barbie life but somewhere along the line, they forget to go after it.

What saddens me is that each day of waiting and living out this mental relationship fantasy is another day of life slipping away without the comfort of your dream bubble.

Of course there is the risk. I know you are rolling your eyes saying “I am afraid to take the chance because if he doesn’t like me back I ruined everything” Isn’t being in love without the other one knowing and bringing mental anguish to yourself the ultimate tragedy? Each day you fight this war with yourself is another day to question yourself. How often do you ask yourself if you are attractive or good enough for him without realizing in the end it doesn’t matter?

The beauty you seek and the reinforcement you need will never come from a boy. It is a self awareness and this will create a domino affect that will raise your confidence, your awareness, your happiness and ultimately that feeling of beauty will show in your glow and your actions.

Stop waiting and hiding in your safety corner. If the feeling is there and the feeling is strong, follow your impulse.. You may be surprised with the end result.


Home is where the heart is….

“There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all”

In My Life – The Beatles

As I drove through the streets of Minneapolis and St. Paul passing the places that reminded me of a comfortable feeling a long time ago when I called this home, a sense of nostalgia grew inside of me. Some of the places have remained, while others are victims to the recession. Memories raced back as I began to recall all of the life altering events that took place during my residence and all the friends that came and went, but more importantly the ones that stayed with me.

I soon arrived with dinner for Sonni, Mom and baby. Three generations together in one room. Pat didn’t hesitate to remind me that this was my second family and I need not wait so long to return. I feel as though she slipped that in more than once during the evening and the hug goodbye. I don’t know if I will see them before I fly home Saturday to see family number one. To add an exclamation point to this final visit to the home of Sonni and Sam, my framed poem for Tino was resting on the wall in the entrance to his room. My words to Tino will always be in sight and watching over him at night.

Maybe it has been the time away or the relaxing sense of seclusion I have in Charleston, but the depth of feelings that have reared during this trip seem intensified more than the last. I could dive into an analysis factoring in the birth of a child, old friends who have taken new steps in their lives and some that have remained in their current bubble. One thing remains clear, the ability to slip back into that comfort zone remains.

Tino was born into a wonderful circle of family and friends and no matter what course of life he chooses, he will always be surrounded by support. A few days prior to the birth, I went to the cemetery to see Janet Hegg, Sonni’s Grandmother who passed away in 1997. I found myself talking to her and telling her about the newest member of the family. It was somewhat comforting given that I never met her. It may be the single moment I once again realized I was part of this family.

In a few days, I will see my family. What a thought: I have the chance to spend a month with two different families. How many have the opportunity to say that.

Seven weeks is summed up in a computer bag and a gym bag. Some would find that alarming, but not me. It doesn’t matter what is in the bag, because it is never about the material value I carry with me each day. It is about the meals, the conversations, the hugs, the gifts, the quiet moments during a sunset and the laughter from shared memories that fills my bag up with each visit.

Home not only is where the heart is but where people let you inside their hearts. Thank you to my first and second families for reminding me how important these relationships are in my life.


We Live in Fucked Up Times…So Buckle Up and bring a Teddy Bear

A new study of the census data shows that median net worth of Whites is 20 times that of Blacks and 18 times that of Latinos. You heard that correct. Between 2005 and 2009 median wealth fell by 66 percent in Latino households and 53 percent in Blacks. Yet among White households, that number fell only 16 percent creating the biggest net wealth differentiation in over a quarter of a century (http://bit.ly/rodebN).

If that was disturbing enough, it would make sense to add fuel to the fire. Ferrari announced today that global sales are up 11.8 percent from 2010 and 23.9 percent in the United States alone.

For the period ending July 31, 2011, Tiffany and Company saw net profit rise 19 percent (67.7 Million vs. 56.8 Million at this point last year).

Ok, show of hands, who is a little upset with the way things are going right now? Don’t be shy.

Today, we voted to raise the debt ceiling…Everything solved, yet the Dow Jones fell 2.3% and fell under 12,000. Hmmmm, that is unusual. Could it be because consumer spending is falling and manufacturing is at its lowest production rate in over two years. Oh yes, let us not forget that the unemployment rate is still at a staggering 9.4 percent.

Wait, there is more. Christie Auction House reported taking in 3.2 Billion Dollars for the first half of 2011 helped by a single Warhol piece that fetched 38.4 Million (http://bit.ly/rot9II).

New Home sales are down, durable goods production/sales are down, foreclosures continue to be steady or on the rise, food prices and gas prices are on the rise and every day middle to low income families are looking for answers.

Any thoughts or suggestions to ease the minds of those that are struggling to just stay above water?

At least Apple has as much operating cash to play with as the US Government as of Friday. No reason to fret about that since that money is offshore right now.

This is not meant to make you mad or even want to seek revenge. It is a reality, not one much different than realities of the past, but the life we are born into. We are a part of the circle of life that is continuously evolving. Is there a resolution? Is there even a problem? The beauty of debate is that there is justification for both sides.

Fair and equal treatment for all or survival of the fittest…Makes you wonder.

I can sit back and tell you things will get better. With patience and perseverance you will overcome this adversity and be stronger for it. You and I know that words won’t correct this hole that seems to be getting deeper and deeper. We are in unprecedented times. US population growth was 9.7 percent in the last decade and with increased population, increasing inflation and reduction in jobs, you don’t have to be a PhD economist to see where this is going.

There is a chance we will come out of this stronger. It is a long term investment in our future, but one that could help future generations to come. We need to see passed the greed and the gluttony and look to a time when brotherhood was the only world we knew. We struggled for hundreds of years to create a country that has now become the most powerful nation in the world. Yet, 250 years later, we are on the verge of destroying everything we worked so hard to achieve.

It is an individual choice. The answer isn’t war, hatred or jealously. The answer is compassion. Compassion for the poor, for the rich, for the content and for the struggling. Some of the biggest fears many of us face right now is life adjustment. We have grown accustomed to a way of life and now that has changed. Change is good. It isn’t about money, luxury or comfort. It is about the truly meaningful things in your life.

If you house burned down today, you will move on. All the material items would be gone, but in time a new life will be set for yourself and your family. Look at life that way. Each day should be viewed as a day of new potential.

Challenge yourself to accept change and do your part to make this a better place.
The solution will never be one single group event but a series of individual encounters that will collectively show signs of improvement….


To Antonio James – Original Poem

Dedicated to Sonni and Sam and the entire family on the birth of Antonio James…

To Antonio James

Born July 28, 2011

Before you, we were not lost or without direction, just undiscovered

In a brief moment, you came upon us
A gift for years of patience

Our future is seen in the clarity of your eyes
A gentle being, so soft, so peaceful, so unaware of the meaning you shed upon us

Now, a family of three
Mother, Father and Son
With the warmth of each embrace, you shelter our hearts with a lifetime of memories yet to be realized

In our arms, we will protect you
With each sunrise, a reminder of the energy of family

Now as you take your first steps toward your journey of life, we bear witness to every moment along the path

With each tear, we will comfort
With each success, we will celebrate
With each moment of confusion, we will bring distinctness

You have completed our family circle
The softness in your voice soothes us now

Hold you we will for soon, you will grow and step out into your own

Remember, you will forever be our baby, our one true love


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