I used to believe in Scientology and didn’t even know it…

Fifteen seasons ago, prior to the highly anticipated debut, I was one of the first band wagon South Park fans. After all, they took the basic premise of common sense, looked at how people skew the obvious and taught us weekly lessons from the eyes of four extremely obnoxious third graders. They didn’t riddle us with deep Aaron Sorkin type dialogue or amaze us with expensive stop animation. Their characters were simple, the stories were topical and the memories were priceless.

Over time, life got in the way and I slipped away from my weekly routine of checking in with Cartman, Kenny, Stan and Kyle, but have slowly found some nostalgia with late night syndication.

Having realized that I have yet to see one of the most controversial episodes of all time, the infamous Tom Cruise Scientology episode, I thought it time I sit down and view it. It was all I expected and more. As I watched comedy genius at work, I began to reflect on my own youth and remembered a time, where I in fact, believed in a form of Scientology and I hadn’t even read Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. Believe me, I saw the commercial enough though.

As a youth, I was presented with the idea of evolution and the idea of the Old Testament (Creationism). I had a very creative mind, but also was grounded with a bit of realism as well. How could Adam and Eve start humanity and all existence on Earth and have micro-organisms come from the ocean and evolve to current species?

I know, right. Baffling. There had to be some explanation.
Either one was wrong and one was right, both were wrong, or both were right.

Darwin…Creator of the Universe…My mental dilemma was growing. There had to be a logical answer to this quandary. As a sleuth detective at age 8, I was going to figure it all out.

Then it hit me. The answer to all answers. Both were true!!!!

Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden did in fact happen but on another planet in another galaxy. Yes, Yes, Yes. We are not natives of this planet but another planet that was developed and then due to overpopulation or some Superman affect and the planet was blown up, we had to re-populate and start over on another planet.

So in order to adjust to the changing weather, atmosphere and climate of this new planet Earth, there had to be an evolutionary process to adjust all the living components once again.

There we had it. I solved the greatest mystery of mankind and I wasn’t even ten years old yet. Both creationism and evolution were true.

I believed in a form of a Scientology. Now times have changed of course. Tom Cruise and John Travolta movies starting getting worse, Battlefield Earth…Do I need to say more, and the brash silliness of my theory become less plausible.

But for a moment during that one fateful summer, I deduced the impossible. I answer the question that has rattled society for hundreds of thousands of years.

“Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers, the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house like a lot of other houses, a yard like a lot of other yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I still look back, with wonder.” (Yes I stole that from the final scene of the Wonder Years)

It is funny how amazing the imagination of a child can be. Never hold back your children. Let them think free, act free and see the world from their eyes. It is those eyes that will change the world someday.

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