Time Travelers Letter to You

time1Dear Present Day Human,

This is a letter from the future to you today. I recently spent some time observing your behavior, interests and patterns of action to understand what went wrong. Let me jump right to the punchline. We are all screwed. At least those that are still human. We still account for 44% of the intelligence beings on this planet, but that number is dwindling. Back to the conversation at hand. What did you all do? Maybe the better question is, what did all not do?

After the last few weeks living among you, I have come to several conclusions:

  • Corn dogs are amazing.  Holy crap are they good.  You all should have like a corn dog eating contest and send the winner on an all expense paid trip to the Lamix Galaxy.  Wait, do you even know where that galaxy system is?  Anyway.
  • That Big Bang Theory is pretty spot on.  Geeks are the sexy ones now.  In high school, I was going to go to the dance with the most beautiful human and then I got a C on my lunar algorithm and advanced space measurement exam and she went will Xanbert.
  • I don’t understand your fear of spiders.  If you saw the size of them now….Moving on.
  • Money is cool.  We don’t have money anymore.  During the last equalizer period.  I believe you all would call that the apocalypse, all social status was destroyed and we had to rebuild from scratch.  Women took the helm because the men had their heads up their arses.  It seems that whole MMA spun off this death cage sports phenomenon which became our form of justice.  The male population slowly dwindled away.  We were pretty much there for sperm in the end.  We are starting to repopulate again though, but we don’t have much control.
  • How do you not see the signs people!  This thing you call social media where anyone can say anything and 10 seconds later it is meaningless.  It is killing you.  All of you.  You don’t know how to feel anymore and this is just the beginning.  Emotions are now something you read about in history books.  When a person says they are depressed, ignoring them is a bad idea.  When a singer talks of rape and killing, you should probably get them help.  Instead of hiding behind those mini electronic things, you may want to start feeling again.  I am not supposed to change history, but if I nudge it along in a better direction, who is to complain.  It sucks in the future.
  • Fast food.  I’ll make it simple.  If you can eat something that is 600 calories and 70 grams of fat in 2 minutes.  Let me make sure I add this up right.  You can eat 18,000 calories and 2100 grams of fat in one hour.  That would be 432,000 calories and 50,400 grams of fat in 24 hours.  I did have to use my brain chip number import device for help.  That is a very very bad.  Let me repeat.  Very very bad.
  • Have more sex.  I don’t know what it is, but it looks insanely awesome.
  • What is the deal with drug use.  Do you even know what you are taking about anymore.  It seems like it would make sense if it made you feel good or healed you, but it seems like if it looks like a pill or in a needle, then its cool to do.  Still don’t get it.  I am not even going to try.
  • The religious wars ended about 300 years from now.  I hate to give you a spoiler, but no one won.  Turns out we were all wrong.  I think the final tally was 5.5 billion killed and one goat.
  • Love your parents.  In a couple of hundreds years, your parents will look something like a test tube.
  • See the world.  We’re gonna destroy it all soon.  Seriously, gone.  All of it.  Pyramids, Grand Canyon, Mayan Temples, Towers, Miley Cyrus, all of it.
  • I saw that show Futurama.  It’s true.  So spot on.  So when you are close to dying, make sure you have a good haircut and moisturize your skin.

Here is the deal:


I see people dying all around in wars, suicide and gangs.  Children and families killed for nonsense reasons.  Senseless death.  We live a long time now because half of our body is mechanical and we are a little numb in the caring department, but we still have some of the things you call emotions.  I have watched those people that tell stories of war instead of helping stop it.  Oh, yes, the news people.

All I notice is people sending messages about how bad it is or how sad they are, but there isn’t any compassion or action to help.  I look at many of you and I see myself.  I don’t like that very much.  I don’t like that at all.

I was born into this.  I was conceived in a lab, mixing body parts and metal to create what I am today.  I have searched through many dimensions to find the point where it all changed.

I’m finally here.  I finally found the moment where compassion began to die.  I don’t know how to stop it.  This is the first time that I’m lost in my journey.

I can’t tell you how to live.  To you, I am just another person among you in a crowd.  A passing face, a nameless being.  I will say this as my parting words:  Think about the future you want for yourself and your children.  If you see what I see everyday, I don’t think you want that future.

As I enter through my time corridor and return, I will go back with what you call “optimism and hope” when I return, things are different.  Things are better.


Sam (Zerbling)




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