Am I really who I used to be?
I am who I want to be?
Songs of yesteryear playing in my head
A merry-go-round of familiar faces reminding me
Reminding me of the paths I did not take; the roads I did not pave
Each turn I reach out for the comfort of another heart
One that wrote me the letter that sits in a box
Those words still ring true today for another
Love is a splendid demon filled with fire and rage; subtlety and pleasure
Like a bed of roses, it teases me with its fragrance and cuts me with its thorns
The blood is dry now, no longer flowing through my veins bursting in scarlet red
I sense you
Holding on to me, holding on to you
It is a sensation I have not felt since we walked the beach alone, tickled by the stars
The waves reminding us of second chances, always returning to the big blue sea
Am I really who I want to be?
The answer is in these tired eyes
A warrior without armor, vulnerable and exposed
A fighter with no hands, void of the power to retaliate
Spited without being wronged
I look behind at my shadow
An outline of who a used to be
I look ahead to a blank sheet waiting to be written
Am I really who I want to be?
This is a question for the wise men resting on the mountain tops
For now, I take comfort in the undiscovered self
I see the surrender in my lover’s eyes
A sadness co-exists in her unspoken lies
I can only sit back and empathize as I remain paralyzed
Words cannot penetrate the darkness as trust is but a cliché bottled up in her childhood castle
I want to fill that vacancy; to penetrate that black hole and find your lost happiness on the other side
This is the dream I have for you
A dream of promise, not defeat
A dream fulfilled by a revelation of the holy spirit written as a pledge
A burst of happiness can hydrate this depressed dehydration
Still the white flag is raised, waving beyond the pupil
Lost and despaired
Choose between the madness you call reality and the potential of a new beginning
Walk with me, barefoot and free
Walk with me toward that warmth
It is a golden age we set forth to
Enlightened by love; empowered by trust
Let go of defeat and be not led by perils
Break these shackles with me
Don’t look back
Run away from darkness
There I was, a boy of no more than seven walking through that corridor to that wings vessel and seeing an outstretched hand holding the wings I’d been waiting for all week long. There it was the symbol of Eastern airlines with gold wings spread ear to ear.
“You earned my wings young man.” she said with a smile. I had. I closed my hand as tightly as I could. I wasn’t going to lose these. I was an honorary captain about to fly up into space and come back down at land at Disney World.
Yes sir, Captain Mark will be leading this expedition to the great unknown. Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting for all these people in polyester and plaid fumbling with their leather boxy things, I got to my seat. I pinned my wings on and bounced for joy.
It was official.
I lifted the metal ash tray door to unlock my imaginary intercom and welcomed the passengers to their flight.
My mom and dad didn’t seem as confident in my flying abilities as I did, but then again who had the wings.
Mission control, we are check for take-off. The light above my head lit and beeped assuring me all systems checked.
Time for one last system walk through.
- Tray table latch, check
- Cushion seat, foamy, check
- Arm rest, mobile, check
- Magazine with Farrah Fawcett check
- Fan, check
- Seat belt fastened, check
Houston we are ready for lift off, wherever that magical place of Houston is.
Time to let my wings take flight. Buckle up folks. This may be a rocky liftoff, but you are now in good hands. Captain Mark is here to take care of you.