The obituary is but a solemn set of words for the living
For the subject is without pain, without existence; no more
A recollection of a time when life had meaning, until the end
No romanticism in the end
Just a final breath and it all resets to zero with the promise of an infinite home
A silly contraction to some
A golden calf of faith to others
Memories disappear in a digital wasteland
Pictures fade into the corners of attics
Videos are reserved for special days to reflect over wine and sorrow
A lifetime immortalized in footsteps from up above until the footsteps are no more
I am without pain now
You still hear me in your past
A few fleeting leaves dropping from the sky
A butterfly carrying my spirit
A poem about just you and I
A promise in a letter; one that could only be made by the youngest of hearts
A journey we hoped to share
A legacy…a pause
Winter has arrived in its cold and damp darkness
Try to hear me in the wind
A calming thought, I imagine, if my imagination endured
I want to see you shivering
To feel you once again
To assure you there is something
I do, I really do
Alone, you curl in the corner of the couch
Last flame flickering
When you read this, what do you remember of me?
What thought of us tortures your mind?
It is pleasant, romantic, sad, uplifting or simply safe?
Tell a story for yourself, or a new generation
Carry this on as long as you can
Soon your pain will be over
My pain is over
All that is left behind are millions of silent screams looking for answers
It was sometime after seven when my phone rang. I was groggy and half awake but somehow felt the need to answer my phone. Kim was the on the other end frantically telling me to turn my television on. Without hesitation or knowledge of why, I did. She then began to tell me the cryptic pieces of information surrounding a plane going into the World Trade Center. It was moments later when I witnessed the second plane make a permanent impression in my mind. I soon hung up and continued to stare at the screen as my eyes got lost far beyond the scenes I was seeing on the television screen.
I sat silently and still on the floor, watching, absorbing, and reflecting as the news trying to make sense of this madness. Memories of my days on Wall Street came back quickly and I could remember my footsteps from the PATH train to Broad Street. Now that path is covered in rubble and smoke and the familiar sounds of taxis are now filled with screams.
After several hours, without knowing what to do or who to call, I played nine holes of golf. Upon completion, as I walked the final path to the clubhouse, my phone rang. I don’t know why, but had a feeling the news was not good. I had no reason to believe that the call from my parent’s home phone was good or bad news, but I knew. Maybe it was the day playing in the back of my mind or perhaps the knowledge that my parents rarely ever called me during the day. With a brief hesitation, I answered to hear my father on the other end confirming my notion. I received the news that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Mid afternoon on September 11 as the world reacted, lived and digested what would become the most memorable day of our lives, I stood alone hearing the word you never want to hear in relation to a family member, friend or yourself.
Much of the next several hours were a bit of a blur. Sometime in between the hours of 8:00 PM and 10:00 PM I leaned on a rock just outside my apartment and looked up at the sky. My first thought was of the deafening silence filling the sky with only the view of stars shining. No planes, no helicopters, no sound resonating. Of course this being in the middle of a remote part of Oklahoma would not have shocked anyone but living seven miles from an international airport meant something else. How can complete silence send shivers down one’s spine? I don’t know, but the empty sound was the spark that drove me into a period of weakness and sorrow. I shed a tear as an entire day of devastation ran circles in my mind. Over and over I remember the calls, the videos, the commentary and through all that, it was the silence that sent me over the edge.
That was September 11, 2001.
One year and six days later, we lost her.
Fifteen years have passed, ten years older and more mature. The world as you and I know it changed that day, not in a temporary mode but a permanent way of life. It awakened us to the notion that we are all vulnerable. How often to we go to a movie and watch a blockbuster about an apocalyptic event and sit in awe at the wonder of Hollywood magic? Yet, to witness the unimaginable happen before our eyes wondering and praying that our friends and loved ones were not part of this madness is something not many of us would pay the price of admission for. I grew up in New Jersey, raised by two home bread New York parents. Spent some time on Wall Street living the American dream. Never in the midst of the madness known as New York City could I imagine an event so catastrophic ever happening in my backyard.
If asked what emotions went through my system that day, I would have to say shock, fear, heartbreak, concern, confusion and hope. I am sure you are thinking why “hope” in that list of negative emotions. Well, without hope, we have nothing. Everyday we live with the risk of tragedy whether it affects one person or thousands, yet each day we wake up to a new sunrise with the hope of a day filled with happiness and love.
September 11 was tragic for me in so many ways, mostly personal. I needed to feel hope that as a family we would be by my mother’s side supporting her, comforting her and knowing together we could beat this disease. As we come closer to the 10th anniversary of the day that changed our lives forever, I will be thinking about my mother and the struggles she had to endure so that we could have the blessing of having her in our lives.
My greatest tragedy of that day was not the events over lower Manhattan. It was that I was not there to hug and hold my mother when she received the news of the unwelcome visitor in her body. I’m sorry Mom.
I won’t be there with you this morning to see the heaviness of your eyes as you smile and hesitantly give me the first morning kiss. The feel of my fingers brushing through each strand of your soft hair was my heaven. I am saddened to know that you are releasing tears alone in your quiet safe place. The place we called our getaway.
I want these words to dry those eyes.
I write this letter to bring happiness to your sadness; direction to your wandering and comfort to your anxiety. I am here with you. Close your eyes my love. Close them real tight. Can you feel my breath against your skin? I can see the shivers running down your spine. That is me. I won’t speak to you again, but I will protect you.
When the storms come racing in, I will keep you dry. Dry and safe from the dangers that lie ahead.
I always promised you a lifetime together. I unfortunately, had to break that promise. It wasn’t in my control.
Still no regrets. I lived every day giving all I had for you. I loved you unconditionally and as many times as I told you, I wish I said it more.
Each day, I wrote a different reason why I loved you.
In the back of the house buried two feet under the oak, I kept that list. Cherish it and embrace it and if you listen closely you can hear my voice telling you each one of those reasons.
I am thankful that I found you; that you accepted me into your world
Each day was an adventure and a challenge, but it opened my eyes to the wonders of life
You became my compassion, my passion, my heart and my soul
A believer in my dreams and the plane that took me to the clouds
I am forever grateful as I journey to this unknown place for having you until my last breath
I want to write forever so you always have my thoughts
No material value, no mementos needed for us. We were spirits free and unchained
With the wind at our back and the sun to warm our skin, we saw the world from our perspective. We saw a world of peace and beauty.
That, my love, is eternal
Eternal as the love we continue to share.
Goodbye for now until you open your eyes in the morning and a bird soar across the sun.
This is a letter from the future to you today. I recently spent some time observing your behavior, interests and patterns of action to understand what went wrong. Let me jump right to the punchline. We are all screwed. At least those that are still human. We still account for 44% of the intelligence beings on this planet, but that number is dwindling. Back to the conversation at hand. What did you all do? Maybe the better question is, what did all not do?
After the last few weeks living among you, I have come to several conclusions:
Corn dogs are amazing. Holy crap are they good. You all should have like a corn dog eating contest and send the winner on an all expense paid trip to the Lamix Galaxy. Wait, do you even know where that galaxy system is? Anyway.
That Big Bang Theory is pretty spot on. Geeks are the sexy ones now. In high school, I was going to go to the dance with the most beautiful human and then I got a C on my lunar algorithm and advanced space measurement exam and she went will Xanbert.
I don’t understand your fear of spiders. If you saw the size of them now….Moving on.
Money is cool. We don’t have money anymore. During the last equalizer period. I believe you all would call that the apocalypse, all social status was destroyed and we had to rebuild from scratch. Women took the helm because the men had their heads up their arses. It seems that whole MMA spun off this death cage sports phenomenon which became our form of justice. The male population slowly dwindled away. We were pretty much there for sperm in the end. We are starting to repopulate again though, but we don’t have much control.
How do you not see the signs people! This thing you call social media where anyone can say anything and 10 seconds later it is meaningless. It is killing you. All of you. You don’t know how to feel anymore and this is just the beginning. Emotions are now something you read about in history books. When a person says they are depressed, ignoring them is a bad idea. When a singer talks of rape and killing, you should probably get them help. Instead of hiding behind those mini electronic things, you may want to start feeling again. I am not supposed to change history, but if I nudge it along in a better direction, who is to complain. It sucks in the future.
Fast food. I’ll make it simple. If you can eat something that is 600 calories and 70 grams of fat in 2 minutes. Let me make sure I add this up right. You can eat 18,000 calories and 2100 grams of fat in one hour. That would be 432,000 calories and 50,400 grams of fat in 24 hours. I did have to use my brain chip number import device for help. That is a very very bad. Let me repeat. Very very bad.
Have more sex. I don’t know what it is, but it looks insanely awesome.
What is the deal with drug use. Do you even know what you are taking about anymore. It seems like it would make sense if it made you feel good or healed you, but it seems like if it looks like a pill or in a needle, then its cool to do. Still don’t get it. I am not even going to try.
The religious wars ended about 300 years from now. I hate to give you a spoiler, but no one won. Turns out we were all wrong. I think the final tally was 5.5 billion killed and one goat.
Love your parents. In a couple of hundreds years, your parents will look something like a test tube.
See the world. We’re gonna destroy it all soon. Seriously, gone. All of it. Pyramids, Grand Canyon, Mayan Temples, Towers, Miley Cyrus, all of it.
I saw that show Futurama. It’s true. So spot on. So when you are close to dying, make sure you have a good haircut and moisturize your skin.
Here is the deal:
I see people dying all around in wars, suicide and gangs. Children and families killed for nonsense reasons. Senseless death. We live a long time now because half of our body is mechanical and we are a little numb in the caring department, but we still have some of the things you call emotions. I have watched those people that tell stories of war instead of helping stop it. Oh, yes, the news people.
All I notice is people sending messages about how bad it is or how sad they are, but there isn’t any compassion or action to help. I look at many of you and I see myself. I don’t like that very much. I don’t like that at all.
I was born into this. I was conceived in a lab, mixing body parts and metal to create what I am today. I have searched through many dimensions to find the point where it all changed.
I’m finally here. I finally found the moment where compassion began to die. I don’t know how to stop it. This is the first time that I’m lost in my journey.
I can’t tell you how to live. To you, I am just another person among you in a crowd. A passing face, a nameless being. I will say this as my parting words: Think about the future you want for yourself and your children. If you see what I see everyday, I don’t think you want that future.
As I enter through my time corridor and return, I will go back with what you call “optimism and hope” when I return, things are different. Things are better.
Do not tell me if I’m dying
If I saw my final sunset it’s too soon
To never dream of you is my greatest sadness
To breathe you in is more powerful than the core energy of the universe
I want to feel your touch and the warmth of sun
Do not tell me if I’m dying
I will never let you go
The sensation of your lips on mine
Tingling in anticipation
Wet and cherry tipped
It is my heaven
Safe haven of utopia
It is the purity of a newborn
Do not tell me if I am dying
I cannot bear to see the hurt in your face
Color disappear
Eyes losing their will to see
To wipe your tears and taste the salty sorrow
Squeezing until the strength seizes
Do not tell me if I am dying
Gravity hold me down
Do not let me drift away
With all your force let me remain
Remain with her
Let our footsteps be preserved forever in the sand
Do not tell me if I am dying
Tomorrow will come
The sun will rise
Warm our faces
Awaken our souls together
